The Best and Worst Car Keys, According to Me
Have you ever noticed the diversity in key fobs these days?
Do you ever stop and think about the key that you use to enter and start your car? Well, since I'm a detail freak and I spend time in a variety of automobiles on a regular basis, I tend to fixate on such minutiae. I also hate bulky items in my pocket, so I'm rather particular about keys. And I'll tell you, there's some serious diversity in the world of automotive keys.
Let's start with possibly my least favorite key in the industry. It comes out of England and it's from Aston Martin. Actually, I'm not even sure I'd call it a key. It's more like an overweight, phallic weapon. Put the bulky fob in your pocket and you better make sure your belt is cinched-up tightly or you may find yourself showing your undergarments to the world. Given this, you'd think Aston would offer a handy place to stash the large key inside the car. Sorry. But we shouldn't be that surprised as this isn't the company's first dance with the devil in the world of keys.
Aston Martin came up with this so-called "Emotion Control Unit" when the last DBS launched in late 2007. It replaced the DB9 and V8 Vantage setup—a Jaguar key attached to a Volvo-derived remote by a piece of leather. Clearly, such a simple key wasn't enough for then CEO Dr. Ulrich Bez. I would have much preferred conventional because the poorly named fob had to be inserted into the dash in just the right way or else the car wouldn't start. And if you were to stall the DBS at, say, a busy intersection, good luck swiftly releasing the Emotion Control Unit from the dash and then reinserting it again quickly (and correctly) before experiencing an overload of horn honking and inappropriate finger gestures from fellow motorists. The clunky key operation stuck around through the lifespan of VH platform, though it did work far better in later iterations. Now we simply get a giant key fob from Aston Martin. Maybe it's designed to impress your friends when you plop it down on a table. I'm not impressed. It's time for Aston to simplify its key strategy.
Speaking of showing off, Porsche gives you the option to pay $540 to have the key fob painted to match the exterior color of your car. While I don't see why you'd want that, Porsche does throw in a bulky leather pouch for one of the two keys. Unfortunately, it simply gets in the way when trying to start 911 models like the GT3/GT3 RS/GT2 RS, which don't offer Comfort Access (keyless start).
The Italians, unsurprisingly, don't run under the radar in this arena either. A Ferrari key is bright red with large, chrome 'FERRARI' badge on the outside. You'd think the $1856 'Scuderia Ferrari' fender shield or $8100 20-inch "diamond" forged wheels added enough attention for the owner of a new F8 Tributo. No. At least the Ferrari fob is an OK size and the Italian company does provide a nice spot to stash it inside the car.
Over at Lamborghini, you get an Audi key with a few minor changes, including the bold bull logo. It's a good size key on the latest models, unlike the older Aventador setup. That fob was also Audi-based, but with a huge lump of metal with a Lambo logo stuck on the bottom of the key. Bigger must be better.
